We brought in Steven Childs of The Uneducated Opinion to give us his very uncensored opinion in this Entourage movie review.
I knew it was going to be a great night. For starters my wife was out of her pyjamas for the first time in three weeks and looking like a cross between Nancy from The Craft and Sandy from Grease… super hot stuff.
On top of that I was three bites into a burrito that tasted like Jessica Alba’s sweat and five minutes away from seeing something I have waited four years to see: Entourage – The Movie.
I’ve never been one to shy away from admitting my love for Entourage as a television show. Sure it was scientifically proven to contain some of the worst acting seen with the human eye, but it made up for that over and over again with its glamorisation of drug use and womanising. The last season of the hit TV show ended with a final episode that was so open-ended; a glorious mix of unforeseen twists and predictable plot points I feel like I wrote in a book in grade 3 English class entitled “crap that happens in every season finale ever”…but there was always talk of a movie so I was never worried.
The movie starts and I don’t know about the rest of the theatre but I feel like I just popped half of a Viagra, I have the more ridiculous grin on my face. The first few minutes are equal quantities of perfection and stupidity. Seems like they paid an 11 year old to write the first few minutes of script and then got that same kid to teach an orangutan how to use Photoshop, who subsequently performed some of the worst photo editing my unforgiving eyes have ever seen. For some reason they just use the first few minutes to hit a big reset button and half of the storyline we ended the last season with was just no longer happening…just a big “whoops sorry we changed our mind”. Thank f*** it’s all upward from there.
In true Entourage style, the plot isn’t what anyone would call “deep” but it is enthralling. The man of course at the centre of it all, Vincent Chase, decides to test himself and try his hand at directing. Any fan can pretty much tell how the next hour and 40 minutes will go; Ari backs Vince with everything he has to the point where his marriage and health are jeopardised. Eric is the voice of reason but also going through Sloan having their baby, not to mention she has obviously refused to have any acting lessons since the show ended. Johnny Drama as always questions his own abilities and offers 74 per cent of the laughs… while Turtle smokes some weed. Oh wait, he has another love interest. Obviously a significant amount more than that happens but I don’t want to give away too much.
Haley Joel Osment has one of the more memorable roles in the film, playing the son of a rich Texas oil-man (Billy Bob Thornton) who is financing Vincent’s directorial debut. He might have been really good… or it could have just been memorable because of his giant head and tiny face. There are ENDLESS cameos in this movie, even more than we ever saw on the show, which is saying something. Best cameo goes to rapper T.I. who delivers one of the best laughs of the whole movie when he finds out he is having a baby. Most confusing cameo goes to Sonny Marinelli, who had a pretty significant role in the final season of the show…and played a completely different character here in the movie. Which dipshit came up with that idea?
All in all it was everything this Entourage fan wanted. After a shaky start it was genuinely just like an extra long episode on the big screen. I wasn’t asking for anything more than that and it was exactly what I got. All the tits, drugs and homophobic Lloyd jokes you know and love. I’m genuinely excited to watch it again.
THE UNEDUCATED OPINION’S SCORECARD
Worst actor: Sloan, always Sloan.
Best actor: Billy Walsh, always Billy Walsh.
Best cameo: Tough one between T.I. and Kelsey Grammer.
Overall: 8 out of 10. Lost 2 points for the shitty start.